Too Needless and Large
by emmikuu
Summary: There's only so much that can fit into one little package, and Lulu knows that. It's too bad that Veigar never admits defeat.


The blind monk walked swiftly and quietly towards a quaint house on the outskirts of town. It was engulfed in leaves and vines, almost one with the forest, but luckily he relied on every sense but his sight.

"No, Veigar, no!" the familiar voice of Lulu exclaimed. "Pix, Pix, help! That thing is never going to fit, tell him!"  
A loud thud was heard followed by a few moans and groans.

"Veigar please! It's too big, can't you tell?" the small yordle made a move to sit herself back up right, but her efforts were thwarted by Veigar pinning her arms down.

To wait until they were finished, or come back later? Yi did say that the message was an urgent one...

"Damn it, Lulu - don't fight this! I need it; we need it!" The other yordle finally spoke.  
A loud, feminine, groan was released as he fought against his grip on her wrists.

"But, why? Why?" Lulu flailed and stuck her tongue out, "I'll never say yes! You'll have to make me. That stupid thing will never fit, why are you nagging me over this?"

"It'll be good for us Lulu, believe me, okay?"

Lee Sin had no idea that the small evil sorcerer had a soft side.

But that was beside the point, all of this was becoming far too visual, and he couldn't even see.  
The bush beside him began to tremble.

"Who's there?" the monk asked as he slowly approached the shrub in question.

He stuck his hand in the bush and poked around until he felt... a hat. A hat with goggles and yes, those were definitely ears.

"Captain Teemo on duty!" exclaimed yet another yordle. He skipped out of the bush and gave a short salute to the monk, "Can I help you with anything, sir?"

Lee Sin was not wary of the little yordle, he had nothing to fear. He knew very well that his blinding dart would have no impact on him, save for a small sting in his arm or leg.

"I am here to deliver a message to those two..." he hesitated, looking for the proper words to describe the situation at hand, "They seem to be a little preoccupied, I might just come back later-"

Before he could finish, Teemo raised his hand and hopped up and down exuberantly.  
"Yes?"

"Let's just knock!" Teemo moved quickly towards the door, but before he could even touch the knob, there was a crash from the other side.

"Delightify! No! Veigar stop, you need to stop! It still won't fit! That rod won't fit, ever, so please stop trying to shove it in – Ow!"  
Teemo slowly backed away from the door and took a seat on the porch awkwardly.

"Is that really happening...? And here I thought... I never imagined... Why, Lulu? Why?"

There was a loud thud against a window. Teemo, against his better judgement, went to see what the raucous was about.

Veigar was pushed up against the glass, lacking his usual clothing... Well, actually, he lacked almost all of it.

At that moment, Teemo was thankful for the height handicap yordles naturally had.

The pale and peachy scars that scattered across his arms and back stood clearly against his light blue fur. Lulu had him pinned against the window by his shoulders, her hair fanned around her erratically.

"I swear, Veigar, if you don't stop with what you're doing, I'm going to turn you into a squirrel!" There was a pout plastered onto Lulu's face, but the seriousness of her statement still stood. Lulu never threatened anybody unless she was angry.

"Can we try, just one more time?"

Teemo stared dumbly at the pleading tone of the self-announced-evil yordle. Lulu would never say yes, right? Of course not, she had been fending off his advances all of this time and she would continue-

"Fine, fine, I know it still won't work, but just one more time," a loud giggle was heard, "No, not there! It's over there, stop it! That tickles!"  
Teemo's eye twitched. This was too much, Lulu's innocence was in question and he was just idling around!

He quickly moved towards the front door once more and placed his hand on the knob.  
Before he could turn it, there was a loud squeal.

"You only get seven seconds to get it in. Ready? Set... Hugeify!"

Oh no, no, that wasn't going to happen, not on his watch.  
Teemo quickly barged into the room.

He wasn't expecting the situation at hand.

Lulu held onto an enchanted backpack of sorts, much larger than it should have been. Pix and Veigar were working to shove a large rod of sorts into the bag, thus shoving Lulu down in the process.

"See? See!? It's not working, it won't fit Veigar!"

And before they knew it, the spell placed on the bag wore off and it returned to its small size. The rod they were working so hard to fit in stuck out, a sliver of purple peaked out from the very top of the bag's opening.

Before Teemo could question either parties, there was a knock on the doorframe.

"I apologize for intruding, but Master Yi has cancelled the trip to the mountains. The journey to find your inner self has been postponed to next week. He's very sorry and... Please enjoy the rest of your day." Lee Sin took a step backwards and gave the yordles a low and awkward bow before he turned and quickly made his way back into town.

"Curses!" Veigar exclaimed as his right ear twitched with irritation. He picked the bag up and roughly tossed it onto the bed.

"Hey, hey! Don't break anything. That stuff was expensive, you plan of paying me back for the Needlessly Large Rod? I didn't think so!"  
Veigar scoffed, "I've got plenty of those, okay? You can just have one of mine."

"No! Mine is special, because it's mine!" Lulu crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out. "I worked hard to get that, okay? You get all the attention because you go mid lane, and I don't get anything, so don't break my stuff!"

Veigar rolled his eyes. "Want to go back to what we were doing earlier, then? The trip was postponed, we have time now..."  
A shade of bright pink speckled across her cheeks, "Veigar! No, Teemo is still... Teemo?"

The two yordles glanced around the room but the scout was nowhere to be found.

"No excuses now, Lu," he said as he climbed on top of her. "Pushing me against the window... that was new."

She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could make a sound, he had captured her bottom lip between his teeth.

"I'll teach you a little something about domination though, Lu," he said as he kissed her lips, trailing down to her collarbone with butterfly kisses, "Evil always wins."

Unbeknownst to Lulu and Veigar, Teemo still stood beside the bed. His passive had gone off in midst Lee Sin's short message, and now he was stuck, too afraid to move in fear of angering the two other yordles in the room.

This was going to be a long day.


End file.
